Pirate or Mermaid are the only options actually.

I am supposed to be editing my story for this anthology (which is not as exciting as it sounds. Does it sound exciting? Pretend it does) which I wrote like almost a year ago at this point. So it's like desperately, hideously, excruciatingly juvenile. Like I cannot even believe the words I used.

I only noticed I am totally unqualified to fix this as I am reading over my edited text and it mostly has characters thinking to themselves "Wow this sounds totally juvenile and yet I have no idea how to go about things differently and I can't even believe the words I am using."

Cleeeeeeever.

So then my second solution was to write this kind of self-flaying letter to the editor crying "I'm sorry I am evidently fourteen years old, but given my track record it is unlikely I will progress past this emotional immaturity so you are either going to have to live with it or change it yourself because you seem like an adult."

Luckily I didn't send that.

Obviously I did not write it in this general conversational tone. But what do you do when everything you write sounds so childish. I tried the "accruing craploads of life experience" trick and that is evidently not doing it. It's probably some stupid issue of integration or something.

In other news I am in that restless mood of giving up all my responsibilities and becoming a pirate or mermaid or something.

And singing this song really dramatically, no doubt with a really poignant expression on my face.