monster bio

I felt this picture worked thematically and added some much-needed classic hollywood sophistication. ha.

I’m supposed to write a bio for a monster story anthology thing published THIS HALLOWEEN.  It has to be 250 words or less.  I have to not sound like a giant soandso.  It was easy last time because I used a fake name and just made up some stuff.

So instead I’m watching Thor and getting all indignant like I knew I would because I realized I had not been really indignant like all week.

DRAFT ONE
All Bridgette Tuckfield wears is black and white; not on purpose.  She lives in Austin in her heart.  –Bot is her preferred diminutive morpheme for others.  She has shelves of rose-flavored or scented things sometimes she only eats one thing for weeks at a time like tomato soup or lettuce heads or peanut butter and jelly and ahhhhh.

DRAFT TWO

Bridgette Tuckfield experiences identity crises like twice a month but they are heavily exacerbated by writing bios

THREE

Is Tom Hiddleston kind of handsome?  I think he might be?  Is that an acceptable criterion to see the Avengers?  Why do I care about this.

FOUR

 Bridgette Tuckfield is 25 and graduates in December AAAH THAT’S SO PATHETIC.

FIVE

Why is it not Halloween yet.  Also, do I want more soup?

SIX
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH^@&*#%@^&$&!$@&#

SEVEN

Man. Natalie Portman is giving it her all and it is not saving this movie.

EIGHT

Bridgette Day Tuckfield enjoys writing and monsters and graduating in 2011, in any order.

Yeah?  That last one?  Too clever-clever?  Too stupid?  This is the worst.  Maybe I just should publish under a fake name again.

Also: of course I want more soup.  Trick question!  I ALWAYS want more soup.